Few would argue the importance of the role of a mother in life one’s life. Having just celebrated Mother’s Day, many of you have likely been more intentionally reflecting on the role of your mom in your life, than usual. For as many of you who read this, there will likely be a similar number of varied ways in which the mother-child relationship would be explained.
Is there any correlation between a mother-child relationship and one’s ability to be successful as a leader and a business person? From my perspective there absolutely is.
There are a lot of things we need from our mothers, but I believe the most important thing we get, that contributes to our ability to achieve success in a wide variety of life’s domains, is a secure and safe base. Our early childhood experiences are critical for our development. While some of you have become highly successful entrepreneurs and leaders notwithstanding needing to overcome a difficult childhood, having a secure base from which to explore our world and take risks, is essential. The good news is that in our adult worlds we do get the chance to establish safe and secure connections, even if our early experiences with our key attachment figure(s) (usually including our mother) were insecure.
I often encounter clients who struggle to overcome a deep level of insecurity. Even in the face of success, there is a tendency for these individuals to fear that it will all fall apart one of these days, and that they are almost like a fraud waiting to be discovered. This is so unfortunate, as it becomes such an ongoing internal battle that draws down on limited emotional reserves.
What were your early childhood experiences like in terms of having a safe and secure base from which to launch out into your world of play? Did you have a lap to crawl up onto when you needed care and comfort, or when you were afraid? What was the response you were given? If your experience was not one that led to secure attachments early on, have you been able to establish secure attachments in your adult world, with individuals who champion you and who will be there always, even if and when you fail?
Of course this topic has the possibility of opening up a whole lot of pain and wounds from the past – which may actually be a good thing in some cases, if you choose to deal with same (a great topic for you to explore with your coach). Regardless, I hope you will reflect on your current level of confidence in business and if there are gaps there, consider the possible connection to a lack of deep emotional attachments and security in your current world. Who do you have in your life as a secure base? You are very fortunate if your early attachment experiences taught you to believe you had significance, even in the face of failure. If you are lacking a secure base, perhaps this is something to be explored further.
Cameron’s Call to Action
- Ask yourself, “Do I operate in my business and leadership life from a place of security in whom I am personally and who I am in the world of business?”
- Reflect on the extent to which you have a deep and secure base available to you, from which to launch out into your world?
- If you are dealing with a lack of security and confidence in yourself, take some time to connect with your core and what the features are that make you a standout, and significant. Choose to embody and operate in a way that calls on these core features. Reinforce them!
- If your current most important attachments are characterized by a lack of security, explore this with your coach. If your most important attachments are with your life partner, get your coach to do some “couples” coaching with you and your partner to help shift this and strengthen the attachment and the security in the bond. You will be a far more effective leader and business person if you do this.